Random Thoughts& 'Things Not To Do At Hogwarts'
by Ravenclaw Midnight Blue
Summary: My random thoughts on the Potterverse - some serious, and some not. Plus - my own  hopefully  original item list of 'Things I Must Not Do At Hogwarts'. Rated T to be safe.


**Random Thoughts On The Potterverse**

My musings on people and events in the Harry Potter books – some serious, and some not. I hope they are original – but apologies if someone has already thought about them.

If any readers do have any of the answers, feel free to contact me!

_Spoiler warning:_

_If you have not read all of the books/watched all the films, proceed with caution!_

The Philosopher's Stone

1) Does the Hogwarts Express stop anywhere between London and Hogwarts (which is presumably in Scotland)? If not, does the Ministry of Magic expect all wizarding parents to take their children as far as London _first_ - even if they, say, lived in Ireland or Wales?

2) If you were sorted into Slytherin, would you be proud that your house emblem was a snake?

3) Why does Professor Snape's wardrobe only issue forth dark clothing?

The Chamber Of Secrets

4) Why didn't Professor Dumbledore tell Harry of Voldemort's real name, at the end of his first year – and thus save him the hassle caused by TM Riddle's diary?

5) After slithering through the pipes of the school, how did the Basilisk get to be so blooming _huge_ by the time it confronted Harry?

The Prisoner Of Azkaban

6) When an Animagus transforms into his/her smaller, animal/insect form, where does the displaced body mass go? And how does it come back?

The Goblet Of Fire

7) After Madam Maxime, will Hagrid ever find a lady with a heart big enough for him?

8) After the death of Barty Crouch Snr., why does nobody think to get a Time Turner ready, to undo the damage done during Harry's fourth year? Or use one at any stage during the war that happens later?

The Order Of The Phoenix

9) Whilst sticking his head into the sand and denying that Voldemort is on the rise again, did Cornelius Fudge ever win a competition for impersonating an ostrich?

10) Was Delores Umbridge really working for the Ministry – or was she secretly rooting for Voldemort and his cronies?

The Half-Blood Prince

11) Fudge tells the Prime Minister that the Dementors are breeding… How do Dementors breed? And how demented are Dementors, anyway?

The Deathly Hallows

12) The night that Harry is sprung from Privet Drive, the Death Eaters are prepared because Snape told Voldemort information that came 'From the source we discussed'. Why didn't Voldie check out who this source was? And in manipulating events, is Dumbledore happy or proud that his actions resulted in the death of one of his friends, that night?

13) The goblins managed to take back Godric Gryffindor's sword at Gringotts Bank. So, regardless of being a Gryffindor, how did Neville draw it from the Sorting Hat at Hogwarts?

14) Why didn't JK Rowling ever let the readers 'see' Professor Lupin as a wolf man again, after The Prisoner Of Azkaban? Or write a wolf man to wolf man fight between him and Fenrir Greyback?

15) Did anyone else think that the ways JK Rowling concluded the story arcs of both Snape and Peter Pettigrew were surprisingly poor?

Truly random:

16) If Vernon Dursley and a wandless Voldemort were locked together in a room, who would come out with the least bruises? And would Voldie complain of earache from Vernon's tirades?

17) If I tied a sleeping young Blast-Ended Skrewt and an alarm clock to an inclined pole, would I have a firework that worked on time?

**My (hopefully) original item list of 'Things I Must Not Do At Hogwarts'**

**Whilst at Hogwarts, as a pupil I must not…**

The Philosopher's Stone

…call any bad 1st Year Slytherin pupils 'asps'.

…give Professor Snape an advice book on how to dress more fashionably.

The Chamber Of Secrets

…encourage the Weasley twins to 'borrow' the family's Ford Anglia, and try to flatten a screaming Malfoy, Crabbe & Goyle, in a chase through the Forbidden Forest.

…get any overgrown book worms from Hagrid, and leave them to eat TM Riddle's diary. Actually, maybe I should.

…invite Aragog and the spiders to a spit roast in the Forbidden Forest. Or invite Nobert the dragon, or Fawkes the phoenix, to gatecrash Aragog's birthday party. Or give him a baby Blast-Ended Skrewt as a birthday present.

The Prisoner Of Azkaban

…try to persuade Professor Trelawney that the tea leaf-reading class in Divination would work better if some butterbeer was added to the pot.

…invite the Most Haunted team to hold a ghost vigil at the Shrieking Shack. Especially when Professor Lupin needs it during a full-moon night…

The Goblet Of Fire

When the Weird Sisters come to play and ask for personal requests, I must not ask for –

'Magic Moments' by Perry Como, 'Magic Touch' by Mike Oldfield, and so on… Or request the theme from 'The Magic Roundabout'. Or ask them to perform 'Under Your Spell' by Cliff Richard. Especially if Ron's anywhere near a Veela or Romilda Vane. And certainly not whilst Hermione is watching…

…report Rita Skeeter to the muggle Press Complaints Commission – even though she deserves it.

The Order Of The Phoenix

...ask Sirius if he ever wore a flea collar when he was a dog.

…tie a gagged Delores Umbridge to that inclined pole (above) with the Blast-Ended Skrewt and alarm clock. No matter how many people beg me to… :J

…give in to the temptation to hang Umbridge's jacket by its neck loop to a picture hook above a staircase in Hogwarts. Especially when she is still wearing it. And certainly not when the staircases have shifted from underneath her… :J

…taunt the Death Eaters arrested at the Ministry of Magic that they'll be in Azkaban Prison for a long spell.

The Half-Blood Prince

…assist Harry when he's asleep, by marking his forehead with the words: "I fancy you, Ginny baby!' Or mark a sleeping Ron with: "It's Hermione I _really _want to be kissing!".

...tell Luna Lovegood of every muggle conspiracy theory known to humankind.

The Deathly Hallows

…taunt the Dementor guards at the Ministry by arranging for a dancing Morecambe & Wise tribute act, singing 'Bring Me Sunshine'.

Truly random:

...suggest to Voldemort that he needs to see a fashion consultant. Or a beautician. Or a plastic surgeon. Nor should I dress up as a hoodie Death Eater and say to him, "Yo, Snakeface!"

…point out to Bellatrix Lestrange that Voldemort will never return her love for him. Not even if she dresses up in a costume resembling Nagini the snake…

...make Pansy Parkinson aware that Draco Malfoy will never marry her – and convince her she's better off with Blaise Zabini. Or even Gregory Goyle.

…let Neville Longbottom have any gardening ideas after watching 'Invasion Of The Body Snatchers' or 'The Little Shop Of Horrors'. Or sell him a Varga thorn or Krynoid pod from 'Doctor Who'.


End file.
